A small (very small) snippet of our favourite Irish Wolfhound’s ramblings, comments and monologues.
“Bacon is the Way and the Truth. Got it.”
“The [Canine] Code. Has anyone taken the time to explain to them that treats are, by definition, a savoury snack of succulence, appropriate at any time and for any occasion, with the possible exception of funerals?”
“With dogs you just go up and smell their asses and you know where you stand. It’s so much easier. Why can’t humans do that?”
“I’m totally a ninja wolfhound. This car is ridiculous, though. He has a revolting citrus air freshener in here. Do you know when his birthday is? We should get him one that smells like steak or Italian sausage.”
“I think life is like a ham bone if you live it right. You enjoy it and then you bury it when you’re finished. If you don’t enjoy it and let it go to waste you still have to bury it, so you might as well savor everything you can.”
“Dude. If that was a Shakespearean quote duel, he just kicked your ass.”
“Now that would be wicked cool! You could dress in one of those brown robes and trade insipid lines of dialogue with your padawan, Granuaile”
“You know how ridiculous we look right? I know a horse whisperer, and I’m totally going to give him a call about you.”
“This is getting ridiculous. I want a deluxe package at a doggie day spa to alleviate my trauma”
“This is the best prime rib ever!" He gave a soft whine of appreciation. "Stolen and succulent, like forbidden fruit when I’m already starving. This shall be known as the Great Meat Heist of Poland That One Time. All future meals will be measured against this one.”
“My nether regions have emigrated to my core and might never return. Maybe they’ll send me a postcard”
“Listen to the hairy guy, Atticus. Tall, scarred, and fiery there is stranger danger if I ever saw it”
“There is nothing amusing about a place where you can’t eat or drink anything. I hope we don’t have to stay long, Atticus”
“I am the Saviour of Bacon! Atticus, I want you to introduce me from now on as Oberon, Saviour of Bacon.”
And the name of the holy writ I will be typing for you?
“The Dead Flea Scrolls: A Sirius Prophecy.”
“Hail Oberon, Lord of All Meats! I am the sausage in the morning and the bone at night! I am the bringer of beef and the singer of sweet suppertime! Mine is the chicken and the gravy forever, nom nom!”
“In all other timelines I still like sausage and poodles. I AM A UNIVERSAL CONSTANT.
“Atticus says I have no sense of time but I disagree
I sense that it is sausage time
RIGHT NOW ”
“ASK NOT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR SAUSAGE BUT WHAT YOUR SAUSAGE CAN DO FOR YOU”
“Atticus told me about timeshares and I said eh, we should get a baconshare instead. He said those aren’t a thing.
WHY AREN’T THEY A THING”
“You gotta have alliteration. It’s Mystery Meat Monday, Taco Tuesday, Whatever Wednesday, Thor’s a Dick Thursday, and Foie Gras Friday”
“Slobbering on a cheek is usually fine, but if you stray a couple inches to the the temple/ear area there will be screaming. Pro tip for ya.”
“Is there any word sadder than 'inedible'?”
“I have no problem with a sandwich concept based on LAYERS OF MEAT”
“I hope that if I ever travel two thousand years into the future, there will still be bacon”
“The limited edition of THE PURLOINED POODLE sold out in a day! YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? TONIGHT I BATHE IN GRAVY!
Thank ye, spiffy humans!”